If a project team member performed a task incorrectly, don’t try to fix the mistake by saying: “You SHOULD do it this way.” or “You SHOULD have asked for help sooner.”
The word SHOULD conveys a message of authority and superiority—you know more than someone and you are not afraid to tell them. Based on instinct, the other person will most likely raise their defences to justify their actions or inactions. Moreover, you will likely lecture the other person on how to do things correctly instead of mentoring them on how to identify and avoid potential problems on their own in the future.
“It looks like you had a rough time in completing that task within budget. What can we do differently next time?” By avoiding the word SHOULD, the conversation focuses on collaborative problem solving.
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Hello John,
You’ve made a good point but what’s the substitute for such words? Can you elaborate with a few more good examples?
Thanks.
Just read your post on avoiding the use of BUT. Kindly excuse the BUT in my previous post and don’t kick my BUTT for it :-)
Harwinder,
When someone makes a mistake, treat is a good opportunity for coaching. You can also use the same approach when someone is underperforming. Most recently, I am starting to see a trend where the mentor coaches the other person to uncover his own mistakes or underperformance. Based on that personal insight, the mentee can then make the proper correction on his own.
Instead of assuming or conveying that someone did something wrong, ask them neutral open-ended questions. You can also start with a fact followed by a question.
How do you think you did on that last deliverable?
How did you feel when Bob raised his voice during the meeting?
I did not expect the client to be that upset. What do you think made them so upset?
John
Thanks, John. Makes sense now. I’m going to start using this technique.