If a project team member performed a task incorrectly, don’t try to fix the mistake by saying: “You SHOULD do it this way.” or “You SHOULD have asked for help sooner.”

The word SHOULD conveys a message of authority and superiority—you know more than someone and you are not afraid to tell them. Based on instinct, the other person will most likely raise their defences to justify their actions or inactions. Moreover, you will likely lecture the other person on how to do things correctly instead of mentoring them on how to identify and avoid potential problems on their own in the future.

“It looks like you had a rough time in completing that task within budget. What can we do differently next time?” By avoiding the word SHOULD, the conversation focuses on collaborative problem solving.

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Consider the two sentences below.

“You did a great job on that presentation BUT I didn’t like the colour that you used on the pie chart.”

“You went through a lot of trouble to negotiate that contract BUT your effort was futile.”

Instead of using the word BUT, try using the word AND instead—or don’t use the word BUT at all. The word BUT negates the sentence that preceded it. Using the word AND forces you to state the compound sentence in a positive way.

“You did a great job on that presentation AND the pie chart would have had a stronger impact if a different colour was used to highlight the issues.”

“You went through a lot of trouble to negotiate that contract. We’ll use what we learned from it to close the deal next time. Good work!”

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